by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
My leadership blog is all about helping current and emerging leaders learn how to transform difficult conversations and dysfunctional workplace relationships into positive and productive ones.
Dependable Evelyn’s Overdue Promotion
Recently, I was working with a client (we’ll call her Evelyn) who felt her career wasn’t advancing quickly enough because of her boss (we’ll call him Dmitri). The promise of a promotion he gave her 2 years ago has simply never moved beyond that and Evelyn has been feeling increasingly disheartened by this.
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Evelyn is a people person, someone who’s always smiling, quick to laugh and says she works hard to go above and beyond for Dmitri and the rest of the team. For over 3 years, she said Dmitri has placed a degree of responsibility on her that sits about three levels above what her current job description is.
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Evelyn says she’s been happy in stepping up and meeting the challenge and that Dmitri has always let her know how much he appreciates and values her work — praise that’s important to someone as socially, team and harmony-oriented as Evelyn is.
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However, this has also been Evelyn’s Achilles’ heel in terms of her goal of getting her promotion.
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Whenever Evelyn has brought up the subject with Dmitri, she says his response has been to good-naturedly side-step the issue, tell her once again how much he values her and her work, tell her not to worry it will come, say something to make her laugh (which is easy to do) and she leaves his office with nothing in hand but the status quo.
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From Dmitri’s point of view, it’s easy to see why he hasn’t been that motivated to act on this. In Evelyn, he’s got a happy, highly competent employee that takes a good chunk of the load off his back and he doesn’t have to pay her what she could command elsewhere. I’m not defending Dmitri, but it seems, in his, eyes, that everything’s just fine as it is.
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Given that it’s been 2 years of no motivation to act on Dmitri’s part, it’s up to Evelyn to awaken some in him if she’s to get what she wants. She needs to change how she communicates with him.
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Through further descriptions of Dmitri from Evelyn, he’s also somewhat of a macho, confident know-it-all who tends to flex his dominance.
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For Evelyn to get Dmitri to act, she needs to do several things:
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Keep her objective of getting a firm commitment on the timetable for re-classifying her job front of mind when taking about it with Dmitri,
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Firmly, but respectfully, not to let Dmitri off the hook and deflect the matter; use statements like, “Dmitri, I need you to really hear me on this.”
/
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Be clear in expressing her dissatisfaction to Dmitri … without laughing.
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Why this has been difficult for Evelyn to do is because it requires her to be vulnerable and run the risk that Dmitri may not like her or praise her as much; to face her fear of being socially rejected. This won’t be easy for her — necessary, but not easy.
/
She also needs to understand what motivates Dmitri and then leverage that in her discussions, i.e. what he will gain in getting her the promotion and/or what he could lose if she doesn’t get it.
/
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Evelyn now realizes that developing her ability to adapt how she communicates — to a way that Dmitri will take notice and act — will require her to step out of her comfort zone.
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In the process, she’ll be developing a deeper level of interpersonal skills that will serve her well as her career progresses.
/
So, whenever you think someone is getting in your way, take a pause and consider how you might be getting in your own way.
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Have a productive and enjoyable day!
/
— Brie
Dependable Evelyn’s Overdue Promotion
Recently, I was working with a client (we’ll call her Evelyn) who felt her career wasn’t advancing quickly enough because of her boss (we’ll call him Dmitri). The promise of a promotion he gave her 2 years ago has simply never moved beyond that and Evelyn has been feeling increasingly disheartened by this.
/
Evelyn is a people person, someone who’s always smiling, quick to laugh and says she works hard to go above and beyond for Dmitri and the rest of the team. For over 3 years, she said Dmitri has placed a degree of responsibility on her that sits about three levels above what her current job description is.
/
Evelyn says she’s been happy in stepping up and meeting the challenge and that Dmitri has always let her know how much he appreciates and values her work — praise that’s important to someone as socially, team and harmony-oriented as Evelyn is.
/
However, this has also been Evelyn’s Achilles’ heel in terms of her goal of getting her promotion.
/
/
Whenever Evelyn has brought up the subject with Dmitri, she says his response has been to good-naturedly side-step the issue, tell her once again how much he values her and her work, tell her not to worry it will come, say something to make her laugh (which is easy to do) and she leaves his office with nothing in hand but the status quo.
/
From Dmitri’s point of view, it’s easy to see why he hasn’t been that motivated to act on this. In Evelyn, he’s got a happy, highly competent employee that takes a good chunk of the load off his back and he doesn’t have to pay her what she could command elsewhere. I’m not defending Dmitri, but it seems, in his, eyes, that everything’s just fine as it is.
/
Given that it’s been 2 years of no motivation to act on Dmitri’s part, it’s up to Evelyn to awaken some in him if she’s to get what she wants. She needs to change how she communicates with him.
/
Through further descriptions of Dmitri from Evelyn, he’s also somewhat of a macho, confident know-it-all who tends to flex his dominance.
/
/
For Evelyn to get Dmitri to act, she needs to do several things:
/
-
Keep her objective of getting a firm commitment on the timetable for re-classifying her job front of mind when taking about it with Dmitri,
/
-
Firmly, but respectfully, not to let Dmitri off the hook and deflect the matter; use statements like, “Dmitri, I need you to really hear me on this.”
/
-
Be clear in expressing her dissatisfaction to Dmitri … without laughing.
/
Why this has been difficult for Evelyn to do is because it requires her to be vulnerable and run the risk that Dmitri may not like her or praise her as much; to face her fear of being socially rejected. This won’t be easy for her — necessary, but not easy.
/
She also needs to understand what motivates Dmitri and then leverage that in her discussions, i.e. what he will gain in getting her the promotion and/or what he could lose if she doesn’t get it.
/
/
Evelyn now realizes that developing her ability to adapt how she communicates — to a way that Dmitri will take notice and act — will require her to step out of her comfort zone.
/
In the process, she’ll be developing a deeper level of interpersonal skills that will serve her well as her career progresses.
/
So, whenever you think someone is getting in your way, take a pause and consider how you might be getting in your own way.
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day!
/
— Brie
© 2018 Connected Conversations™
by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
All managers are human … and managers need to be able to reconcile their human values with their managerial responsibilities. Sometimes, that’s easier said than done.
Recently, I was helping a client — we’ll call him Jack — who is less than a year into his role as a senior manager of a department that he was new to. Jack has been having a really tough time figuring out how to deal with one of the staff members he inherited — we’ll call him Stan.
Stan is in his late 60s and has been in the department for forever and Jack told me that he’s one of the sweetest, nicest guys you’ll ever meet. However, Jack also said that Stan’s productivity level is only about 20%, that his memory runs hot and cold, that he often appears unkempt and that it’s become clear that the rest of the staff were always trying to cover for him. Stan didn’t even appear to be aware of these things.
So, Jack did some digging. What he found out was, prior to a couple of years ago, Stan was the go-to guy for his expertise and was highly productive — pretty much the department’s superstar. Jack wondered, what on earth had happened that created such a dramatic change in this man?
It turns out that Stan had been the victim of an assault that had left him with significant head injuries. Such a tragic story.
Now Jack was facing a dilemma. From a human standpoint, Jack felt a great deal of sympathy for Stan and didn’t want to make this poor guy’s life any harder. From a managerial perspective, Jack knew that, for the good of the department and the organization, the productivity issue had to be resolved. Jack said the problem would resolve itself if Stan just retired. However, Stan had made it clear that he had no intention of retiring. Having difficulty reconciling these two things, Jack recognized he was just avoiding Stan altogether.
Jack had fallen into a mindset that’s easy to fall into when facing a difficult dilemma — the “either/or” mindset.
The managers and leaders who cultivate the ability to see past this restrictive mindset are able to be more effective.
When it comes to workplace relationships, the best managers and leaders are able to adapt their communication style not only depending upon the individual they’re communicating with, but also from moment to moment whilst communicating with them.
For example, if Jack wants Stan to be more productive AND wants to support him and keep him in his position, Jack needs to do two things:
1. Be crystal clear and direct with Stan about his performance level: where it’s at, where it needs to be and why, and what will happen if things don’t change.
2. Then, once the above message is fully received, switch to more of an affiliative, coaching approach to get Stan’s productivity up as high as it can go, given the reality of his health situation.
That first step is not within Jack’s comfort zone, within his natural way of being; while the second step is — that’s why Jack’s been avoiding the situation.
What does Stan need to hear in order to get the message?
Remember, Stan used to be the expert, the go-to guy, so you can imagine how difficult it might be for him to swallow his pride and openly acknowledge that his performance level is unsatisfactory. So Jack can likely expect some resistance and needs to know what can help him get through to Stan.
Jack has to adapt how he communicates information based on how Stan processes information.
For example, Stan’s job is very technical and requires precise thinking and he tends to need data before he’s convinced of anything. Jack needs to be prepared to leverage this, to show Stan empirical evidence to prove his lack of performance and why it’s critical it improves.
Once Stan can admit to the reality of the situation, Jack can swing back into his comfort zone of supporting Stan and collaborate on an action plan to get Stan up to his maximum performance level.
What happens next?
Well, if Stan’s productivity level can rise to an acceptable level, then all will be good in the world.
However, if Stan’s current abilities just can’t meet the demands of the job, then Jack needs to honour the organization and take the appropriate steps to let Stan go … and that will be hard for Jack. But that’s leadership.
Have a productive and enjoyable day.
