Learning from “Negative” Workplace Emotions

Learning from “Negative” Workplace Emotions

Leadership Blog

My leadership blog is all about helping current and emerging leaders learn how to transform difficult conversations and dysfunctional workplace relationships into positive and productive ones.

Brie Barker

Learning from “Negative” Workplace Emotions

Typically, when people think of the benefits of a passionate workplace, they get a picture of them stemming from people who are brimming with smiles, positivity and energetic collaboration.
/

However, you and your organization can also benefit from high intensity, “negative” workplace emotions — the “dark side” of passion.

/

/
In his recent HBR article, How to Build a Passionate Company, Jim Whitehurst, CEO of Red Hat, talks about 5 ways to foster the kind of passion that fuels great performance.
/
The first one on his list is the importance of letting people show their emotions at work. Jim says:
/
“We often use the term “emotional” like it’s a bad word, especially when it comes to the workplace. But inspiration, enthusiasm, motivation, and excitement are emotions too. If you ask your people to check their emotions (both the good and the bad) at the door, you can’t tap into their passion.”
/
I couldn’t agree more, Jim!
/
Imagine one of your staff members has a real bee in their bonnet – they’re shouting, angry and defiant, being as loud and unyielding as a dog with a bone.
/
Now, let’s be honest, no one likes to be yelled at (or bitten). When you’re on the receiving end of such tirades, it’s the fight or flight response that typically kicks in.
/
However, it’s just this kind of situation that calls on you to bring your “A” game as a leader/manager and craft a more thoughtful, measured response.
/
Today, however, I’m not going to get into how to react effectively in such situations.
/
Instead, let’s consider what you can learn, in general, when someone on your staff feels compelled to express themselves this way.
/

/

People don’t get passionate about things they don’t care about.

/
And, with the kind of outburst we’re talking about here, they’re demonstrating they care about one of two things:
/
 the organization
 themselves
/

/

 The Organization:

/
If they’re talking about the work, i.e. why something either has to be done or shouldn’t be done, they’re likely getting frustrated because they feel their viewpoint isn’t being heard, considered or understood. They believe so strongly on how the issue effects the organization that they’re willing to go to battle.
/
So, it’s important not to get triggered by the anger and defiance. If you remain calm and open, you can fully take in the content of what they’re saying. If you don’t, you could be letting the emotion that’s coming at you blind you to something that really is crucial to your organization’s well being.
/

/

Themselves:

/
If the person is talking about her/himself, it’s critical not to get triggered and just write off what they’re saying as griping. Whether the content of what they’re saying has merit or not, the first thing to remember here is that you likely have a staff member who isn’t happy and is feeling disengaged.
/
If you let your empathy be hijacked, you’ll never find out if their complaints have any merit and your staff member will continue to have a negative impact on the overall working climate and productivity.
/

/
So, the next time one of your staff members exhibits the “dark side” of passion, commit to finding out what it is they’re trying to shine a light on.
/
Have an enjoyable and productive day!
/
— Brie
/
P.S. My thanks to Jennifer Cross, who shared Jim’s article with me via LinkedIn … with passion.

Blog Post

Learning from “Negative” Workplace Emotions

Typically, when people think of the benefits of a passionate workplace, they get a picture of them stemming from people who are brimming with smiles, positivity and energetic collaboration.
/

However, you and your organization can also benefit from high intensity, “negative” workplace emotions — the “dark side” of passion.

/

/
In his recent HBR article, How to Build a Passionate Company, Jim Whitehurst, CEO of Red Hat, talks about 5 ways to foster the kind of passion that fuels great performance.
/
The first one on his list is the importance of letting people show their emotions at work. Jim says:
/
“We often use the term “emotional” like it’s a bad word, especially when it comes to the workplace. But inspiration, enthusiasm, motivation, and excitement are emotions too. If you ask your people to check their emotions (both the good and the bad) at the door, you can’t tap into their passion.”
/
I couldn’t agree more, Jim!
/
Imagine one of your staff members has a real bee in their bonnet – they’re shouting, angry and defiant, being as loud and unyielding as a dog with a bone.
/
Now, let’s be honest, no one likes to be yelled at (or bitten). When you’re on the receiving end of such tirades, it’s the fight or flight response that typically kicks in.
/
However, it’s just this kind of situation that calls on you to bring your “A” game as a leader/manager and craft a more thoughtful, measured response.
/
Today, however, I’m not going to get into how to react effectively in such situations.
/
Instead, let’s consider what you can learn, in general, when someone on your staff feels compelled to express themselves this way.
/

/

People don’t get passionate about things they don’t care about.

/
And, with the kind of outburst we’re talking about here, they’re demonstrating they care about one of two things:
/
 the organization
 themselves
/

/

 The Organization:

/
If they’re talking about the work, i.e. why something either has to be done or shouldn’t be done, they’re likely getting frustrated because they feel their viewpoint isn’t being heard, considered or understood. They believe so strongly on how the issue effects the organization that they’re willing to go to battle.
/
So, it’s important not to get triggered by the anger and defiance. If you remain calm and open, you can fully take in the content of what they’re saying. If you don’t, you could be letting the emotion that’s coming at you blind you to something that really is crucial to your organization’s well being.
/

/

Themselves:

/
If the person is talking about her/himself, it’s critical not to get triggered and just write off what they’re saying as griping. Whether the content of what they’re saying has merit or not, the first thing to remember here is that you likely have a staff member who isn’t happy and is feeling disengaged.
/
If you let your empathy be hijacked, you’ll never find out if their complaints have any merit and your staff member will continue to have a negative impact on the overall working climate and productivity.
/

/
So, the next time one of your staff members exhibits the “dark side” of passion, commit to finding out what it is they’re trying to shine a light on.
/
Have an enjoyable and productive day!
/
— Brie
/
P.S. My thanks to Jennifer Cross, who shared Jim’s article with me via LinkedIn … with passion.
© 2018 Connected Conversations™

NVC vs. The Perfect Storm

NVC vs. The Perfect Storm

Leadership Blog

My leadership blog is all about helping current and emerging leaders learn how to transform difficult conversations and dysfunctional workplace relationships into positive and productive ones.

Brie Barker

NVC vs. The Perfect Storm

The Facts:

/

  • This is the second week of summer holidays for my kids, Finley (8) and Clara (5).
  • They’ll continue to be at home during the day until they start their day camps next Monday.
  • My wife works at an office downtown.
  • I work out of my home office.

/

The Result:

/

The Perfect Storm

© Sony Pictures (pastposters.com)

/

Since I started work this morning, I’ve been sitting here at the computer, struggling to even come up with a topic for this week’s blog post.  It’s just one of those days when I’m having a hard time focusing my thoughts and I’ve been getting more and more frustrated.
/
My kids have a neighbourhood friend over and they’ve been having a good time playing together (loudly).  Surprise, surprise — this isn’t helping my concentration.
/
They then all found their way up to my office, my kids excited to show their friend their secret hide-out, which happens to double as my storage closet.  Their fun is now smack in the domain of my writer’s block and the decibels have spiked/even further.
/
And I just yelled at them, “Okay, that’s it!  Go outside and play!”  And they have.
Once my adrenalin/cortisol surge receded, the topic for this post came trotting up to me on the back of a most curious creature …

/

logo-transparent
/
Ah, once again, my children have proved to be my greatest teachers.

RESOURCE:

<iframe style="width: 120px; height: 240px;" src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&npa=1&bg1=EEEEEE&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=connectconver-20&o=15&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=1592336337" width="300" height="150" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>
Have you ever shouted things out at work like:

/

“Just get back to work!”

“Don’t bother me right now!”

“Just get it done!”

“Keep it down out here!”

/
Outbursts like this never help anyone.
/

/

There are two things you can practice in situations at work when you’re starting to feel your frustration mounting and your blood boiling …

/


 

1.  Emotional Intelligence

/
In particular, you need to be able to recognize your mounting frustration before you blow your top. Then take a breath and let the emotion evaporate as you exhale.  You need to repeat this until you’re calm; then you’re ready for the next step.

RESOURCE:

<iframe style="width: 120px; height: 240px;" src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&npa=1&bg1=EEEEEE&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=connectconver-20&o=15&p=8&l=as1&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=tf_til&asins=055338371X" width="300" height="150" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>

RESOURCE:

<iframe style="width: 120px; height: 240px;" src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&npa=1&bg1=EEEEEE&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=connectconver-20&o=15&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=0974320625" width="300" height="150" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>

2.  Nonviolent Communication

/
Marshall Rosenberg developed the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process in the 1960s.
/
Nonviolent Communication holds that most conflicts between individuals or groups arise from miscommunication about their human needs, due to coercive or manipulative language that aims to induce fear, guilt, shame, etc. These “violent” modes of communication, when used during a conflict, divert the attention of the participants away from clarifying their needs, their feelings, their perceptions, and their requests, thus perpetuating the conflict.” (Wikipedia)

RESOURCE:

<iframe style="width: 120px; height: 240px;" src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&npa=1&bg1=EEEEEE&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=connectconver-20&o=15&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=1892005034" width="300" height="150" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>

The NVC Process Has 4 Components:

/

NVC

/
Here’s an example of what this might sound like:

/

Observe:

/
“When I’m in my office with my door closed and I can hear you all talking out here … 

/

Feelings:

/
“I start feeling frustrated and angry.” 

/

Needs:

/
“When I really need to focus and concentrate on something, I need things to be quiet in order to get it done well and get it done on schedule.”

/

Requests:

/
“When my door is closed, would you all help me out and keep your conversations at a low volume?”

/


/
This approach works really well to avoid the kind of unnecessary conflict and hurt feelings that, from an organizational point of view, can dramatically reduce productivity.
/
Cultivating your emotional awareness and proficiency in NVC takes time and practice — and the benefits to all involved are well worth it.
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day!
/
— Brie

Blog Post

NVC vs. The Perfect Storm

The Facts:

/

  • This is the second week of summer holidays for my kids, Finley (8) and Clara (5).
  • They’ll continue to be at home during the day until they start their day camps next Monday.
  • My wife works at an office downtown.
  • I work out of my home office.

/

The Result:

/

The Perfect Storm

© Sony Pictures (pastposters.com)

/

Since I started work this morning, I’ve been sitting here at the computer, struggling to even come up with a topic for this week’s blog post.  It’s just one of those days when I’m having a hard time focusing my thoughts and I’ve been getting more and more frustrated.
/
My kids have a neighbourhood friend over and they’ve been having a good time playing together (loudly).  Surprise, surprise — this isn’t helping my concentration.
/
They then all found their way up to my office, my kids excited to show their friend their secret hide-out, which happens to double as my storage closet.  Their fun is now smack in the domain of my writer’s block and the decibels have spiked/even further.
/
And I just yelled at them, “Okay, that’s it!  Go outside and play!”  And they have.
/
Once my adrenalin/cortisol surge receded, the topic for this post came trotting up to me on the back of a most curious creature …

/

logo-transparent
/
Ah, once again, my children have proved to be my greatest teachers.
/

RESOURCE:

<iframe style="width: 120px; height: 240px;" src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&npa=1&bg1=EEEEEE&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=connectconver-20&o=15&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=1592336337" width="300" height="150" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>
Have you ever shouted things out at work like:

/

“Just get back to work!”

“Don’t bother me right now!”

“Just get it done!”

“Keep it down out here!”

/
Outbursts like this never help anyone.
/

/

There are two things you can practice in situations at work when you’re starting to feel your frustration mounting and your blood boiling …

/


/

1.  Emotional Intelligence

/
In particular, you need to be able to recognize your mounting frustration before you blow your top. Then take a breath and let the emotion evaporate as you exhale.  You need to repeat this until you’re calm; then you’re ready for the next step.
/

RESOURCES:

<iframe style="width: 120px; height: 240px;" src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&npa=1&bg1=EEEEEE&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=connectconver-20&o=15&p=8&l=as1&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=tf_til&asins=055338371X" width="300" height="150" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>
<iframe style="width: 120px; height: 240px;" src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&npa=1&bg1=EEEEEE&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=connectconver-20&o=15&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=0974320625" width="300" height="150" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>

2.  Nonviolent Communication

/
Marshall Rosenberg developed the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) process in the 1960s.
/
Nonviolent Communication holds that most conflicts between individuals or groups arise from miscommunication about their human needs, due to coercive or manipulative language that aims to induce fear, guilt, shame, etc. These “violent” modes of communication, when used during a conflict, divert the attention of the participants away from clarifying their needs, their feelings, their perceptions, and their requests, thus perpetuating the conflict.” (Wikipedia)
/

RESOURCE:

<iframe style="width: 120px; height: 240px;" src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&npa=1&bg1=EEEEEE&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=connectconver-20&o=15&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=1892005034" width="300" height="150" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no"></iframe>

The NVC Process Has 4 Components:

/

NVC

/
Here’s an example of what this might sound like:

/

Observe:

/
“When I’m in my office with my door closed and I can hear you all talking out here … 

/

Feelings:

/
“I start feeling frustrated and angry.” 

/

Needs:

/
“When I really need to focus and concentrate on something, I need things to be quiet in order to get it done well and get it done on schedule.”

/

Requests:

/
“When my door is closed, would you all help me out and keep your conversations at a low volume?”

/


/
This approach works really well to avoid the kind of unnecessary conflict and hurt feelings that, from an organizational point of view, can dramatically reduce productivity.
/
Cultivating your emotional awareness and proficiency in NVC takes time and practice — and the benefits to all involved are well worth it.
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day!
/
— Brie
© 2018 Connected Conversations™