by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
My leadership blog is all about helping current and emerging leaders learn how to transform difficult conversations and dysfunctional workplace relationships into positive and productive ones.
3 Steps to Retaining Top Talent When Denying a Promotion
This past weekend, my son, Finley, went to try-out for his Little League club’s “A” team for summer baseball. There were about 30 kids at the try-outs and only the top 12 are chosen. The kids who don’t make the “A” team join a pool of about another 110 kids and they’re all divided into several, evenly balanced, “B” teams.
/
The head coach, Paul, is everything you want as a coach for your kid. He’s extremely passionate and knowledgeable about baseball, he stresses good sportsmanship and, while he coaches to win, he always sees his primary role as ensuring the kids are continually developing their skills and having fun.
/
At the end of the try-outs, while Paul got to make 12 kids very happy by telling them they made the team, he also had the unenvious task of telling 17 kids that they didn’t make the team — including my son, Finley.
/
Now here’s the thing … Finley is a very gifted athlete with hand-eye coordination and spacial skills that are well beyond his age.
/
For the record, this has been widely corroborated beyond his proud papa!
/
He also absolutely loves to play baseball.
/
But Finley is only 8-years old and this is his first year in the minor division, which means he’s playing with kids who are as old as 11. He’s also small for his age so the reality is that he just doesn’t have the size and strength that the older kids do, kids who also have a year or two more experience than him.
/
Coach Paul believes that Finley will likely become one of the club’s best players and wants him to stick around. The way in which he communicates to Finley that he didn’t make the “A” team is a key factor in whether or not he’ll want to.
/
If you’re one of your organization’s leaders or HR executives, this scenario resonates all too much. If you’re like your brethren that I speak with, you’d probably tell me that retaining top talent is definitely one of your biggest concerns and challenges.
/
All you need to do is replace my 8-year old Boston Red Sox hopeful with one of your organization’s rising stars who’s put in for a promotion and you and Coach Paul are in the same ballpark.
/
When you have to deny that person a promotion, be it because they need some further development and experience or that next rung of the ladder is just too crowded right now, you need to communicate this carefully if you don’t want them to pack up and seek greener pastures.
/
/
Here are the three steps to follow when you’re denying a promotion to a rising star that you want to ensure you keep on your team …
/
/
#1 — Pre-conversation
/
⇒ Remind yourself that they’re likely to be highly disappointed; they were seeking the promotion as a vehicle to obtain things that are important to them.
/
⇒ Choose a private setting where the person will feel free to express themselves, i.e. without being seen or overheard by others.
/
⇒ Schedule the meeting as soon as possible, as they are likely anxious to know the outcome. Early in the week is best.
/
⇒ Don’t schedule the meeting close to the weekend, a special event of the person’s or just prior to their vacation. A Monday or Tuesday would be ideal. The importance of this relates to Step 3.
/
#2 — During the Conversation
/
Talk about the present situation:
/
⇒ Get to the point right away and, with empathy, tell them,
“Not all of the conditions were right at this time for us to be able to give you the promotion.”
This is saying it’s the conditions that weren’t right, not that there was something wrong with them. This lands very differently from the standard “You’re not getting the promotion.”
/
⇒ Say something like,
“It’s important to me that you know what I mean by that, [NAME], because I really appreciate everything you contribute to around here. Can I share with you what shaped the decision?”
This feels respectful and starts to shift the tone right away by reinforcing that they’re valued. Ensure you answer all their questions.
/
Talk about the future:
/
⇒ Revisit and reaffirm what their goals and aspirations are within your organization, along with understanding what motivates them.
/
⇒ Be consultative in talking about what they think their strengths are and what they could improve upon in terms of advancing to that next step in their career at your organization. Use open-ended questions like,
“What things do you think you could bolster to putting yourself in an even more favourable position for a promotion?”
/
⇒ Say,
“I’d really like to help you achieve your goal of moving up to the next level here, [NAME]. How would you feel about us working together on a specific action plan towards making that happen?”
This lets them know you envision them progressing in the company and the question empowers them to step into that and commit to focusing on the future.
/
⇒ Set the stage for the next step:
“Let’s set a time to get together at the end of the week to start crafting your development plan. Over the next few days, let’s both make sure we take some time to brainstorm some initial ideas on what things you could do on your own and what specific development opportunities we could create for you. How does that sound, [NAME]?”
This reaffirms you’re both making a commitment to this. This also gets them to focus on their future in your organization right away and scheduling the first action plan meeting before the end of that first week has them going into the weekend with concrete proof that you truly do believe in their future career goals.
/
#3 — Post-Conversation
/
⇒ Be sure you keep your commitments to them in being active in their development.
/
⇒ Ensure you schedule regular check-ins to see how things are progressing and if either of you think their action plan needs any adjustments along the way.
/
/
In today’s marketplace, you just can’t afford to lose your top talent.
/
Following the specifics in the above 3 steps will do a lot to ensure you retain your rising stars in the wake of denying them a promotion.
/
I’ll end with a tip-of-the-cap to Coach Paul … his good communication skills have resulted in him securing a deep farm team for the club’s future success — and Finley is an enthusiastic part of it.
/
Play ball!
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day!
/
— Brie
3 Steps to Retaining Top Talent When Denying a Promotion
This past weekend, my son, Finley, went to try-out for his Little League club’s “A” team for summer baseball. There were about 30 kids at the try-outs and only the top 12 are chosen. The kids who don’t make the “A” team join a pool of about another 110 kids and they’re all divided into several, evenly balanced, “B” teams.
/
The head coach, Paul, is everything you want as a coach for your kid. He’s extremely passionate and knowledgeable about baseball, he stresses good sportsmanship and, while he coaches to win, he always sees his primary role as ensuring the kids are continually developing their skills and having fun.
/
At the end of the try-outs, while Paul got to make 12 kids very happy by telling them they made the team, he also had the unenvious task of telling 17 kids that they didn’t make the team — including my son, Finley.
/
Now here’s the thing … Finley is a very gifted athlete with hand-eye coordination and spacial skills that are well beyond his age.
/
For the record, this has been widely corroborated beyond his proud papa!
/
He also absolutely loves to play baseball.
/
But Finley is only 8-years old and this is his first year in the minor division, which means he’s playing with kids who are as old as 11. He’s also small for his age so the reality is that he just doesn’t have the size and strength that the older kids do, kids who also have a year or two more experience than him.
/
Coach Paul believes that Finley will likely become one of the club’s best players and wants him to stick around. The way in which he communicates to Finley that he didn’t make the “A” team is a key factor in whether or not he’ll want to.
/
If you’re one of your organization’s leaders or HR executives, this scenario resonates all too much. If you’re like your brethren that I speak with, you’d probably tell me that retaining top talent is definitely one of your biggest concerns and challenges.
/
All you need to do is replace my 8-year old Boston Red Sox hopeful with one of your organization’s rising stars who’s put in for a promotion and you and Coach Paul are in the same ballpark.
/
When you have to deny that person a promotion, be it because they need some further development and experience or that next rung of the ladder is just too crowded right now, you need to communicate this carefully if you don’t want them to pack up and seek greener pastures.
/
/
Here are the three steps to follow when you’re denying a promotion to a rising star that you want to ensure you keep on your team …
/
/
#1 — Pre-conversation
/
/⇒ Remind yourself that they’re likely to be highly disappointed; they were seeking the promotion as a vehicle to obtain things that are important to them.
/
/⇒ Choose a private setting where the person will feel free to express themselves, i.e. without being seen or overheard by others.
/
/⇒ Schedule the meeting as soon as possible, as they are likely anxious to know the outcome. Early in the week is best.
/
/⇒ Don’t schedule the meeting close to the weekend, a special event of the person’s or just prior to their vacation. A Monday or Tuesday would be ideal. The importance of this relates to Step 3.
/
#2 — During the Conversation
/
Talk about the present situation:
/
⇒ Get to the point right away and, with empathy, tell them,
“Not all of the conditions were right at this time for us to be able to give you the promotion.”
This is saying it’s the conditions that weren’t right, not that there was something wrong with them. This lands very differently from the standard “You’re not getting the promotion.”
/
/⇒ Say something like,
“It’s important to me that you know what I mean by that, [NAME], because I really appreciate everything you contribute to around here. Can I share with you what shaped the decision?”
This feels respectful and starts to shift the tone right away by reinforcing that they’re valued. Ensure you answer all their questions.
/
Talk about the future:
/
/⇒ Revisit and reaffirm what their goals and aspirations are within your organization, along with understanding what motivates them.
/
/⇒ Be consultative in talking about what they think their strengths are and what they could improve upon in terms of advancing to that next step in their career at your organization. Use open-ended questions like,
“What things do you think you could bolster to putting yourself in an even more favourable position for a promotion?”
/
/⇒ Say,
“I’d really like to help you achieve your goal of moving up to the next level here, [NAME]. How would you feel about us working together on a specific action plan towards making that happen?”
This lets them know you envision them progressing in the company and the question empowers them to step into that and commit to focusing on the future.
/
/⇒ Set the stage for the next step:
“Let’s set a time to get together at the end of the week to start crafting your development plan. Over the next few days, let’s both make sure we take some time to brainstorm some initial ideas on what things you could do on your own and what specific development opportunities we could create for you. How does that sound, [NAME]?”
This reaffirms you’re both making a commitment to this. This also gets them to focus on their future in your organization right away and scheduling the first action plan meeting before the end of that first week has them going into the weekend with concrete proof that you truly do believe in their future career goals.
/
#3 — Post-Conversation
/
/⇒ Be sure you keep your commitments to them in being active in their development.
/
/⇒ Ensure you schedule regular check-ins to see how things are progressing and if either of you think their action plan needs any adjustments along the way.
/
/
In today’s marketplace, you just can’t afford to lose your top talent.
/
Following the specifics in the above 3 steps will do a lot to ensure you retain your rising stars in the wake of denying them a promotion.
/
I’ll end with a tip-of-the-cap to Coach Paul … his good communication skills have resulted in him securing a deep farm team for the club’s future success — and Finley is an enthusiastic part of it.
/
Play ball!
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day!
/
— Brie
© 2018 Connected Conversations™
by Brie Barker | Difficult Conversations, Leadership Development
My leadership blog is all about helping current and emerging leaders learn how to transform difficult conversations and dysfunctional workplace relationships into positive and productive ones.
Setting for Difficult Conversations – When a Park is Ideal
Choosing an ideal setting for difficult conversations, be they with your boss, your colleague or your staff member, requires some serious thought.
/
When I’m helping clients learn how to turn difficult conversations into positive and productive ones, one question that usually comes up is this:
/
“Where should I have this conversation?”
/
My initial response is always the same … “It depends.”
/
So … when is taking a walk in a park a good choice?
/
Well, let’s take a look at exactly what this setting provides …
/
Neutrality:
/
A park provides neutral ground as there’s nothing present that reinforces any differences between you and the other person in terms of hierarchy, power or authority. Neither of you owns this turf, you’re sharing it.
/
Non-confinement:
/
There are no closed doors in this setting; being in a free and open park space takes away any feelings of being physically trapped in a place that one of you might want to escape from.
/
Privacy in Public:
/
This, too, speaks to creating a sense of safety.
/
⇒ You’re away from your workplace.
⇒ As opposed to a coffee shop, no one can overhear your conversation.
⇒ There are other people within visual proximity.
/
In short, it allows the two of you to be alone, without being alone.
/
Of course, unless you’re with a trusted friend, just be sure you don’t find yourselves on a dark, forest path together without another person in sight — that feeling of safety will quickly evaporate and be replaced by something akin to this:
/
/
Positive Biological Effects:
/
Just being in nature produces numerous biological effects that reduce the tensions surrounding difficult conversations. Of the countless sources that support this, the article How Does Nature Impact Our Wellbeing?, published by the University of Minnesota, provides a compelling and succinct synopsis, including noting how,
/
“Being in nature, or even viewing scenes of nature, reduces anger, fear, and stress and increases pleasant feelings.”
/
Flexible Engagement Intensity:
/
This setting allows the engagement intensity between the two of you to flow throughout the conversation. When either of you wants to increase the engagement intensity, one just has to stop and turn to the other, which invites them to stop, turn and be face to face with you.
/
Conversely, when either of you wants to decrease the engagement intensity, one can just start walking again and the other person will naturally follow.
/
/
The Upshot:
/
If you want to have a conversation that:
/
⇒ reduces the barriers that differences in power and authority can bring,
⇒ creates a feeling of physical and psychological safety,
⇒ allows either party to shift the intensity of engagement at any time,
/
then taking a walk in the park will make the difficult conversation you need to have with your boss/colleague/employee feel more like, well … a walk in the park!
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day!
/
— Brie
/
Leave a comment:
When has having a difficult conversation while taking a walk with the other person really worked well?
Setting for Difficult Conversations – When a Park is Ideal
Choosing an ideal setting for difficult conversations, be they with your boss, your colleague or your staff member, requires some serious thought.
/
When I’m helping clients learn how to turn difficult conversations into positive and productive ones, one question that usually comes up is this:
/
“Where should I have this conversation?”
/
My initial response is always the same … “It depends.”
/
So … when is taking a walk in a park a good choice?
/
Well, let’s take a look at exactly what this setting provides …
/
Neutrality:
/
A park provides neutral ground as there’s nothing present that reinforces any differences between you and the other person in terms of hierarchy, power or authority. Neither of you owns this turf, you’re sharing it.
/
Non-confinement:
/
There are no closed doors in this setting; being in a free and open park space takes away any feelings of being physically trapped in a place that one of you might want to escape from.
/
Privacy in Public:
/
This, too, speaks to creating a sense of safety.
/
⇒ You’re away from your workplace.
⇒ As opposed to a coffee shop, no one can overhear your conversation.
⇒ There are other people within visual proximity.
/
In short, it allows the two of you to be alone, without being alone.
/
Of course, unless you’re with a trusted friend, just be sure you don’t find yourselves on a dark, forest path together without another person in sight — that feeling of safety will quickly evaporate and be replaced by something akin to this:
/
/
Positive Biological Effects:
/
Just being in nature produces numerous biological effects that reduce the tensions surrounding difficult conversations. Of the countless sources that support this, the article How Does Nature Impact Our Wellbeing?, published by the University of Minnesota, provides a compelling and succinct synopsis, including noting how,
/
“Being in nature, or even viewing scenes of nature, reduces anger, fear, and stress and increases pleasant feelings.”
/
Flexible Engagement Intensity:
/
This setting allows the engagement intensity between the two of you to flow throughout the conversation. When either of you wants to increase the engagement intensity, one just has to stop and turn to the other, which invites them to stop, turn and be face to face with you.
/
Conversely, when either of you wants to decrease the engagement intensity, one can just start walking again and the other person will naturally follow.
/
/
The Upshot:
/
If you want to have a conversation that:
/
⇒ reduces the barriers that differences in power and authority can bring,
⇒ creates a feeling of physical and psychological safety,
⇒ allows either party to shift the intensity of engagement at any time,
/
then taking a walk in the park will make the difficult conversation you need to have with your boss/colleague/employee feel more like, well … a walk in the park!
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day!
/
— Brie
/
Leave a comment:
When has having a difficult conversation while taking a walk with the other person really worked well?
© 2018 Connected Conversations™
by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
My leadership blog is all about helping current and emerging leaders learn how to transform difficult conversations and dysfunctional workplace relationships into positive and productive ones.
Phone Conversations — How to Connect at Work
Back in the 1920s and ’30s, my grandmother worked for Bell Canada. One of her jobs was to go out to businesses and teach people how to use the newest equipment, such as this piece of cutting-edge technology:
/
/
That’s right. The “dial” phone. While you couldn’t get any apps for it, people still thought this high-tech gadget was pretty cool … and, evidently, complicated.
/
Since that time, advances in telephone technology have gone far beyond anything my grandmother could have even dreamed of.
/
However, one fundamental thing has remained the same: the telephone allows people to talk to each other. (Yes, I said talk, not text.)
/
The quality of workplace relationships (non-work ones, too) is driven by feelings, i.e. the content of the information flowing between the people is actually not that important.
/
There’s a hierarchy of how feelings are most reliably communicated between people:
/
1. Visually
— body language, eye contact
2. Vocally
— tone, pitch, volume, rate
3. Linguistically
— words and how they’re combined
/
So, for those times when a face-to-face conversation or video-chat aren’t possible, pick up the phone! … and then do what? I’m glad you asked!
/
Below is a great infographic I came across, put out by The Gap Partnership. As you read along, you’ll see, beside it, where I’ve shared some of my own extended thoughts with you. The only change I’d make to the title is replacing the word Influencing with Connecting.
This post was a long one — thanks for staying on the line!
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day.
/
— Brie
Phone Conversations — How to Connect at Work
Back in the 1920s and ’30s, my grandmother worked for Bell Canada. One of her jobs was to go out to businesses and teach people how to use the newest equipment, such as this piece of cutting-edge technology:
/
That’s right. The “dial” phone. While you couldn’t get any apps for it, people still thought this high-tech gadget was pretty cool … and, evidently, complicated.
/
Since that time, advances in telephone technology have gone far beyond anything my grandmother could have even dreamed of.
/
However, one fundamental thing has remained the same: the telephone allows people to talk to each other. (Yes, I said talk, not text.)
/
The quality of workplace relationships (non-work ones, too) is driven by feelings, i.e. the content of the information flowing between the people is actually not that important.
/
There’s a hierarchy of how feelings are most reliably communicated between people:
/
1. Visually
— body language, eye contact
2. Vocally
— tone, pitch, volume, rate
3. Linguistically
— words and how they’re combined
/
So, for those times when a face-to-face conversation or video-chat aren’t possible, pick up the phone! … and then do what? I’m glad you asked!
/
Below is a great infographic I came across, put out by The Gap Partnership. As you read along, you’ll see, beside it, where I’ve shared some of my own extended thoughts with you. The only change I’d make to the title is replacing the word Influencing with Connecting.
/
Following the infographic, I’ve added some additional thoughts on it.
My additional thoughts in terms of creating and maintaining positive and productive workplace relationships:
5 Things to do pre-call:
- Creating and maintaining a positive and productive workplace relationship should be part of your purpose in every call. Remind yourself of the feelings you’d like the other person to experience during the call: e.g. supported, encouraged, valued.
- While preparation is important, it’s more important to be fully present in the conversation that emerges.
The secret of a relaxed voice:
- It’s this element that first reminded me of my grandmother. When she was an operator with Bell Canada, all the operators had little mirrors in front of them so they would remember to smile. My grandmother actually received an award for being “The Girl with the Smile in her Voice.” Gotta love that!
The secret to convincing your listener:
- Just change the word in this from “convincing” to “connecting”. The former can put you in a manipulative mindset instead of a relational mindset of mutual respect.
3 tips for using a call script successfully:
- Though this pertains particularly to sales, it’s a good idea to prepare for difficult conversations by mapping out — in point form — what it is you need to say; practice it out loud; then throw away the script and let it come out authentically and naturally in the conversation.
3 tips to listening over the phone:
- Remember, the other person isn’t receiving any visual cues that you are listening and engaged.
What your voice says about you:
- Though it’s good to build your awareness and proficiency in this, don’t hyper-focus on it; if you force this, you run the risk of coming off as insincere.
Dress the part:
- As someone who works at a home office, I’ve got to think this one through a bit! Does one truly need to wear pants whilst one is Skyping?
Establish a rapport:
- Establishing a rapport is a constant. The question is this: are you establishing a good one or a poor one?
- The quality of the relationship shifts with every moment of a conversation.
This post was a long one — thanks for staying on the line!
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day.
/
— Brie
© 2018 Connected Conversations™
by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
My leadership blog is all about helping current and emerging leaders learn how to transform difficult conversations and dysfunctional workplace relationships into positive and productive ones.
3 Steps to Achieving Clarity in Workplace Conversations
When you were a kid, did you ever make your own telephone using two cans connected by a string? I sure did — and, much to my delight, that’s what I saw my two kids playing with this past weekend.
/
I got them to observe how the string needed to be taut and unobstructed in order for them to be heard by the person on the other end and, conversely, that when the string was loose and wobbly, they couldn’t hear the other person talking.
/
I talked about the science behind this and I think it actually got a bit of traction with them. A successful parenting moment that I made a mental checkmark of!
/
They were only able hear each other clearly when the line of communication was focused and direct.
/
/
With workplace conversations, don’t mistake the clear transmission of sound as achieving clarity of understanding — which should always be your goal.
/
And here’s the thing … achieving clarity of understanding is the primary responsibility of the person on the transmitting side, not the receiving side.
/
/
Why Clarity is Important:
/
Simple — you want the other person to fully understand you.
/
If you tell a staff member that the report they’re preparing needs to be clear, you don’t want them to interpret that as “Go and put a fresh toner cartridge in the printer.”
/
What Prevents Clarity:
/
Big picture? Your ego.
/
It’s easy to fall into the (usually-unconscious) trap of believing that everyone else interprets and filters the world around them exactly the same way you do. They don’t.
/
In all likelihood, the other person is going to receive your information and interpret it through their own filters.
/
Imagine this: I put one of my kids in the living room, the other one in the kitchen and I get them to close their eyes. I then hand each of them one end of their homemade telephone; however, they’re not close enough to each other for the string to be taut. I then ask them to have a conversation.
/
If you’re a parent, I bet you can see where this is going …
/
Not being to able hear each other, they soon get frustrated and both start shouting, “You’re not doing it right!!” Each of them has assumed the string was taut; believing it did not make it so.
/
What You Can Do to Achieve Clarity:
/
1. Take on 100% of the responsibility for it.
/
=> It’s up to you to ensure you are understood.
/
=> It’s up to you to ensure you understand the other person.
/
2. Say what you need to say.
/
How you frame and deliver what you need to say is extremely important in order for the other person to feel a particular way about what you’re saying; this is the kind of professional development I help leaders and managers with.
/
AND — you still have to say — with direct, clear language — what you need to say.
/
3. Check for understanding.
/
You need to further than saying things like, “Does that make sense?” or “Have I been clear?”
/
To really ensure that the other person gets it, you need to say something like this:
/
“I just want to be sure I communicated that fully, John. What’s your understanding of what I said?”
/
On the flip side, you can paraphrase back to the other person what they’ve said to ensure that you understand what they wanted you do:
/
“I just want to be sure I understand you fully, John. [paraphrase what they said] Is that accurate? Am I missing anything?”
/
Do these 3 things and your conversations will never slip into a game of “broken” telephone!
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day.
/
— Brie
3 Steps to Achieving Clarity in Workplace Conversations
When you were a kid, did you ever make your own telephone using two cans connected by a string? I sure did — and, much to my delight, that’s what I saw my two kids playing with this past weekend.
/
I got them to observe how the string needed to be taut and unobstructed in order for them to be heard by the person on the other end and, conversely, that when the string was loose and wobbly, they couldn’t hear the other person talking.
/
I talked about the science behind this and I think it actually got a bit of traction with them. A successful parenting moment that I made a mental checkmark of!
/
They were only able hear each other clearly when the line of communication was focused and direct.
/
/
With workplace conversations, don’t mistake the clear transmission of sound as achieving clarity of understanding — which should always be your goal.
/
And here’s the thing … achieving clarity of understanding is the primary responsibility of the person on the transmitting side, not the receiving side.
/
/
Why Clarity is Important:
/
Simple — you want the other person to fully understand you.
/
If you tell a staff member that the report they’re preparing needs to be clear, you don’t want them to interpret that as “Go and put a fresh toner cartridge in the printer.”
/
What Prevents Clarity:
/
Big picture? Your ego.
/
It’s easy to fall into the (usually-unconscious) trap of believing that everyone else interprets and filters the world around them exactly the same way you do. They don’t.
/
In all likelihood, the other person is going to receive your information and interpret it through their own filters.
/
Imagine this: I put one of my kids in the living room, the other one in the kitchen and I get them to close their eyes. I then hand each of them one end of their homemade telephone; however, they’re not close enough to each other for the string to be taut. I then ask them to have a conversation.
/
If you’re a parent, I bet you can see where this is going …
/
Not being to able hear each other, they soon get frustrated and both start shouting, “You’re not doing it right!!” Each of them has assumed the string was taut; believing it did not make it so.
/
What You Can Do to Achieve Clarity:
/
1. Take on 100% of the responsibility for it.
/
=> It’s up to you to ensure you are understood.
=> It’s up to you to ensure you understand the other person.
/
2. Say what you need to say.
/
How you frame and deliver what you need to say is extremely important in order for the other person to feel a particular way about what you’re saying; this is the kind of professional development I help leaders and managers with.
/
AND — you still have to say — with direct, clear language — what you need to say.
/
3. Check for understanding.
/
You need to further than saying things like, “Does that make sense?” or “Have I been clear?”
/
To really ensure that the other person gets it, you need to say something like this:
/
“I just want to be sure I communicated that fully, John. What’s your understanding of what I said?”
/
On the flip side, you can paraphrase back to the other person what they’ve said to ensure that you understand what they wanted you do:
/
“I just want to be sure I understand you fully, John. [paraphrase what they said] Is that accurate? Am I missing anything?”
/
Do these 3 things and your conversations will never slip into a game of “broken” telephone!
/
Have a productive and enjoyable day.
/
— Brie
© 2018 Connected Conversations™
by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
Mention the term “toxic employee” and almost every manager will shudder as their mind conjures up an image of a specific employee, past or present. Consider this as you read: it’s effectively managing these “troublesome” employees that justifies your paycheque; it’s easy to manage the positive and productive ones.
I began last week’s post with the words, “People are not born leaders — but every leader was born.” While researching this week’s post I came across a post of J. Maureen Henderson’s 
on Forbes, titled We’ve Created a Monster: Toxic Employees Aren’t Born, They’re Made. Thanks for the segue, Maureen!
Henderson focuses her exploration on “what happens when that bad apple is also your golden goose” and holds up a mirror for us to see the roles our broader and organizational cultures play in creating these people and keeping the dirt unswept and hidden under the rug. (Would anyone like to buy a letter Q?)
What I’d like to focus on is the employees whom many managers would think of as the typical, everyday, garden variety toxic employee. So, I’m not talking about those situations that include illegal activity such as theft and sexual harassment, i.e. things that absolutely demand a formal process and strict applications of human resource policies.
I’m talking about those employees that managers see as just being a real pain in the
… employees they recognize in flavours like those described by Reuben Yonatan :
⇒ The Hot Mess
⇒ The Slacker
⇒ The Martyr
⇒ The Socialite
⇒ The Sociopath
4 Steps to Detoxifying Toxic Employees:
No matter which toxic flavour you’re dealing with, there are 4 steps you can follow to turn things around:
#1 – Change Your Mindset
#2 – Prepare for “The Conversation”
#3 – Have the “The Conversation”
#4 – Follow Up
Today’s post is going to expand on Step #1.
#1 – Change Your Mindset
A. Extract head from sand.
Let go of the idea that somehow this problem will go away by itself. Dan Rockwell echoes my belief here, in stating, “Leaders and organizations become toxic when they don’t deal with tough issues.” Commit to stepping up and commit to making the situation better.
B. Remove the label “toxic” from your employee.
This is a fixed belief that leaves no room or hope for change. This isn’t about forgetting the person’s destructive behaviour, it’s about removing a road block to changing that behaviour.
C. Engage your compassion.
It’s extremely doubtful that you have an employee who wakes up each day with the express intention of wreaking havoc at work. Most commonly, toxic behaviour is a symptom of emotional pain. I’m not talking about being all “touchy-feely” just for the sake of it — this is pragmatic: problems that are rooted in emotional distress require empathy and compassion to address them effectively. You have to decide to care about getting this person to a better frame of mind.
Changing your mindset like this is necessary before going into Step #2 – Preparing for “The Conversation”. More on that later!
Have a productive and enjoyable day.
— Brie
Share your thoughts and leave a comment:
- What other shifts in mindset have you found helpful in effectively managing a toxic employee?
- How important is this?
Part 2 of the series of posts on Leadership Education is still on the horizon!
