by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
Mr. Spock may seem like an odd source of wisdom regarding effective workplace relationships. After all, what could we possibly learn about such relationships between actual human beings from this logical, non-emotional, alien character from Star Trek? Well, quite a bit, actually.
I was certainly wistful at the death of actor Leonard Nimoy last week. I’ve always enjoyed the various incarnations of Star Trek. From the original series of the 1960s to as recently as the 2013 film, Star Trek: Into Darkness, Nimoy’s Mr. Spock just kept showing up, which was fine with me. He was such a great character.
The various Star Trek writers certainly used Mr. Spock as a vehicle for ruminating on what it means to be human, and I’m happy to share my thoughts with you on what I think we can glean from him regarding human relationships in the workplace.
To begin with, Capt. Kirk and Mr. Spock made a great leadership team. Spock’s logic and measured, unemotional reasoning was balanced by Kirk’s gut instinct and quick, decisive action. Today’s manager/leader needs to be able to access their inner Kirk and inner Spock, to adapt their behaviour according to the circumstance and what is required to move a particular crew member to take confident action. A productive workplace relationship comes from knowing how you need to communicate with that specific person in order for you to be understood, i.e. how you need to frame what it is you want them to understand in order for them to receive it fully, openly and without resistance.
One quote of Spock’s is, “Insults are effective only where emotion is present.” With humans, emotion is always present. Given that, it’s a fair parallel to draw that one has to be aware of what their emotional triggers are and be able to consciously move them aside so they can stay present to the other person and not let their emotion hijack the conversation.
I’d argue that Spock, himself, is emotionally intelligent in that he is aware of how his lack of emotion may effect others. Spock tells Kirk, “If I seem insensitive to what you’re going through, Captain, understand — it’s the way I am.” Being able to explain to co-workers how you tend to process information and communicate can go a long way in avoiding misunderstandings. Instead of being a sealed-off room that your colleagues don’t know how to get into, give them the key that allows them to open the door and communicate effectively with you.
There’s a lot more, I believe, but I’ll turn it over to you …
Leave a comment: What quote of Spock’s do you think relates to workplace relationships and why?
In the meantime, “Live long and prosper.”
by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
The saying that “people don’t quit their jobs, they quit their boss” holds a lot of truth. If you’ve had a such an experience, you’re not alone. Actually, I’m right there with you. However, there’s a deeper truth.
Back in my twenties, had I known then what I know now about how to manage difficult workplace relationships, I wouldn’t have made what you would call a significant CLM – career limiting move.
At the time, I was working in residential real estate in Toronto. Though I was a licensed agent, I was working as an assistant to a superstar. She was extremely successful. She’d been in the business for eons and was #1 in sales for the company, perhaps #1 in the whole city. I thought this was a great way for me to learn the ropes while receiving a more stable income base. It turned out to be a disaster in the making.
It didn’t take long until it became pretty obvious that we weren’t getting along. I thought she was cold, condescending and intent in keeping me in a box — I was feeling very micromanaged and my stress level was only climbing week-to-week. When I finally just couldn’t take it anymore, I quit. And I didn’t do it quietly. I was intent on shaming her publicly, letting the whole office know exactly what I thought of her and I why I was leaving. I left feeling victorious and vindicated.
A few years later, I had the idea of having a real estate company hire me to establish and run an in-house marketing department. One of the first companies I thought of pitching this to was the one I just told you about. After all, they were a top company, I knew their VP thought well of me and, as far as I was concerned, I knew that everything I had said about my former boss was true. So I set up a meeting with the VP.
Well, he loved my idea and thought that I was just the right person who could make it happen. I was feeling really good about myself in this moment. Then came the “but”.
He said that he couldn’t hire me because he couldn’t run the risk of offending my former boss, that, regardless what anyone thought of her, he couldn’t afford to lose his #1 agent. So, there it was — a bridge well burnt. A lesson well learned.
But all I learned at that time was the consequences of burning a bridge.
So here’s the deeper truth in the “people quit their boss” scenario …
… when someone’s communication style is in conflict with their boss’s communication style and neither party has sufficient emotional self-awareness, nor adequate enough communication skills, to bridge the differences, the resulting dysfunctional relationship can be so stressful that the person sees no other option but to quit the job.
It was easy for me to say the toxic relationship I had with my boss was her fault. I’ve no doubt that my boss thought that I was entirely to blame. In my departure, probably the both of us thought we won when, in fact, we both lost.
I know how horrible it is to feel caught in a toxic relationship with a boss. I now understand what it’s like for a boss to feel stuck in such a relationship with an employee.
What I focus on in Connected Conversations is teaching you how you can bring debilitating workplace relationships back from the brink of disaster and transform them into positive and productive ones; and have new relationships be on track from day one.
I’ll end this post with two thoughts for my former boss: “I’m sorry” and “thank you.”
Have an enjoyable and productive day.
Have you ever “quit your boss”? What’s your story?
by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
Remember the premise for this series of posts: the quicker you’re able to identify and adapt to someone’s communication style, the better you’ll be able to get that relationship off to a good start right out of the gate. This is also particularly relevant if the relationship, by its nature, is a brief and important one.
This week, I’m going to give you a high level look at the “C” dimension of the DISC model of behavioural styles, known as the Cautious style.
People who rank high in the “C” component exhibit more passive behaviour (as opposed to active) and are more task oriented (as opposed to people oriented).
General Attributes:
- Thinker
- Precise
- Systematic
- Analytical
- Conscientious
- High standards
Key Observable Characteristics:
- Verbal – talks about facts, doesn’t focus on feelings, more formal and focused
- Vocal – less variety in voice quality, little inflection, steady delivery, lower volume, slower rate of speech
- Visual – few facial expressions, few gestures, non-contact oriented, slower moving
Behaviour When Under Stress:
How to Communicate with Them Effectively:
Dos
- Provide accurate information
- Be practical and logical
- Be patient
- Show tact and diplomacy
- Give time for them to think
- Offer pros and cons
Don’ts
- Don’t refuse to explain the details
- Don’t answer questions vaguely or casually
- Don’t surprise them with new information
- Don’t ask for immediate decisions
Try putting these things into practice. Share your success stories by leaving comments!
Have an enjoyable and productive day.
by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
Remember the premise for this series of posts: the quicker you’re able to identify and adapt to someone’s communication style, the better you’ll be able to get that relationship off to a good start right out of the gate. This is also particularly relevant if the relationship, by its nature, is a brief and important one.
This week, I’m going to give you a high level look at the “S” dimension of the DISC model of behavioural styles, known as the Steady style.
People who rank high in the “S” component exhibit more passive behaviour (as opposed to active) and are more people oriented (as opposed to task oriented).
General Attributes:
- Good listener
- Team player
- Supportive
- Stable
- Predictable
- Friendly
- Understanding
Key Observable Characteristics:
- Verbal – listens more than talks, reserves opinions
- Vocal – steady and even delivery, lower volume, slower rate of speech, less forceful tone
- Visual – exhibits patience, gentle handshake, intermittent eye contact, slower body language
Behaviour When Under Stress:
- Submissive and indecisive
How to Communicate with Them Effectively:
Dos
- Be non-threatening
- Express genuine interest and appreciations
- Be patient
- Give time to adjust to change
- Ask about emotional needs
- Answer “how” questions
- Clearly define goals, procedures and their role
Don’ts
- Don’t be pushy or aggressive
- Don’t be demanding
- Don’t be confrontational
- Don’t rush them
Try putting these things into practice. Share your success stories by leaving comments!
Have an enjoyable and productive day.
by Brie Barker | Leadership Development
Remember the premise for this series of posts: the quicker you’re able to identify and adapt to someone’s communication style, the better you’ll be able to get that relationship off to a good start right out of the gate. This is also particularly relevant if the relationship, by its nature, is a brief and important one.
This week, I’m going to give you a high level look at the “I” dimension of the DISC model of behavioural styles, known as the Influencing style.
People who rank high in the “I” component exhibit more active behaviour (as opposed to passive) and are more people oriented (as opposed to task oriented).
General Attributes:
- Enthusiastic
- Persuasive
- Talkative
- Impulsive
- Emotional
- Trusting
- Optimistic
Key Observable Characteristics:
- Verbal – tells stories and anecdotes, shares personal feelings, informal speech
- Vocal – lots of inflection, higher volume, faster speech
- Visual – animated facial expressions, more hand/body movement, contact oriented
Behaviour When Under Stress:
- Sarcastic and superficial
How to Communicate with Them Effectively:
Dos
- Be friendly and light
- Let them talk
- Show interest
- Seek their input
- Use stories and emotional descriptions
- Give decision incentives
Don’ts
- Don’t do all the talking
- Don’t skip social elements of conversations
- Don’t dwell on details
Try putting these things into practice. Share your success stories by leaving comments!
Have an enjoyable and productive day. (Emphasis on enjoyable if you’ve got a lot of “I” in you!)
